Saying 'No' to Your Child All the Time: Why You Shouldn't Do It
Saying ''no'' to your child all the time can have more of a negative impact on the little one than anything positive.
I am sure your kids don’t like to hear ‘’NO’’ from you every time, especially when you need to say ‘’no’’ to your kids for their every other headstrong demand. Certainly hearing no and feeling bounded can make your child frustrated, which can then trigger tantrums. Some toddlers explode in protest. Others become generally discouraged. Sometimes they feel unwanted and start thinking they can’t touch or do anything. Saying no, by simply raising your voice louder than before, cannot convey your message any better.
What you can do instead of saying 'No' to child all the time
Here are some easy ways that can help you in giving better options to your kids instead of saying NO to them, all the time.
1. Try to re-frame your words in more constructive way
It can be the easiest way you can think of, imagine just by rephrasing your words, you can stop saying NO to your kiddo every time. You just need to speak to your kid in very enthusiastic and positive way, for e.g. instead of saying ‘’Don’t throw your food everywhere,’’ you can say ‘’It’s time for mommy to clean dishes and I suppose you have finished your lunch.’’ By being more positive, your kid will understand the message you want to convey to him.
2. Explain to him what is right thing to do, how he can do it and why he is not supposed to do few other things
A simple genuine explanation sometimes works wonders for kids. Possibilities are there that your child is unable to understand big complex explanations. So try to teach him what is right for him and how it can be done in a very easy manner, for e.g. instead of yelling on him to clean his room you can tell him it will be easy for him to find things in a clean room, when he’s in hurry and you can show them how to arrange things to make things easier. But as a parent you also need to explain them what are the things he is not indented to do and why, for e.g. don’t say no for playing outside, when it’s dark, instead explain to him how playing in dark can be harmful to him, like he can fall and get hurt, there can be street dogs, etc.
3. Confined choices and refrained access
It can be the most working trick you can think of. If your child has limited choice and access to things that can harm him, then the chances are absolutely less for you to say no. For e.g. if he has to choose to play only with his toys or utensils rather than playing with a ceramic vase or any other expensive decorating item as these fragile items are away from his access.
4. Choices will assuredly help kids in self-management
Most of the parent wants their kids to have a quality of self-management in future. In the process of giving choice, you will automatically help your child to be a good decision maker and wise chooser in the time ahead. So just be calm and all you need to do is stop howling at your kids and giving them better choices.
5. Explain what behavior you want to see and give small reward for it
Getting rewards can be one of the favorite options for your kid, but it should be restricted to reward only, and should not manipulate in to bribe. Give the option to behave among bad (what he generally behaves) and good (what you expect to see in him) behavior. And give a reward if he behaves well. Also, explain to him why there is a necessity for him to behave well. For e.g. you can teach him how to acquit oneself during wedding like how he is supposed to eat his food there, also he must not rush everywhere during the ceremony, etc. And once he does so, reward him.
6. Instead of “NO” use other warning words
It will always work, if you make a habit to use some of these alarming words like stop, danger or hot. Saying NO will surely not make your kid understand, that doing this particular activity can harm him. But you should always save “NO” for a super extreme situation, so that when you say it, your child actually listens to it, and responds immediately.
7. Stave off the demands for that moment
If your kiddo is getting really stubborn about the things, all you need to do is, give them assurance that you are going to get it for him later, this can calm him for some time, and meanwhile, you can give them other better option. For e.g. if your kid is demanding for a video game, just give him assurance that even you are planning to buy one for him and ask him to wait for sometime or you can say it as we can plan to buy it on Christmas as that time there will be new versions of it, also you will get some offers! Until then you can tell them the consequences of video games on eyes and brain, also you can provide them better options like football, table board games, or you can even ask them to join some special animation learning class for kids. You just need to show our child some good alternative.
8. Win-win strategy
This strategy will best suit both of you, parents as well as kids. Here you need to make your kid understand that you are definitely going to give him what he is demanding now but it will take some time to fulfill his demand. For e.g. if your child is continuously demanding for ice cream, you can say it like we will have an ice-cream party will family after dinner and this will be a surprise party, you both are going to give. These small tricks would definitely work on your kid.
9. Showing your child that you understand her emotions
Exhibiting your kid that you actually understand her emotions would be a great idea, showing her that you too have the same emotional level as she is having, would definitely help her to discuss with you, what she is planning and what she is desiring for. But all you need to do here is, simultaneously by talking to her you need to make her aware about why she is not suppose to do that or what are its after effects, instead of saying NO to her directly. For e.g. when she says she likes candy and wants some of it, you can say even mommy love candies just like you, mommy used to eat a lot of these before, but then mum had to stop it due to tooth decay because of these candies. And that is the reason why she should not eat candies often because you don’t want her to have this painful toothache like mommy.
These tiny tricks work like magic on kids, they are too small to understand this complex NO sometimes. We need to make them understand the difference between what is good for them and what can harm them. And giving alternates can always be a great option. So as of now just relax and sprinkle these magic tricks on your kids. For more interesting parenting hacks and updates on your child’s development, download the Parentlane App now!